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Monday, April 28, 2014

Leaving Neverland...


Hello Darlings,
I've missed you this past week, but you see, it wouldn't have done to have written till now: till at least this part of the story was completed. I will probably still talk a bit in riddles, "to protect the innocent" as the elusive "they" say. And please do not think for a moment that this is about me "consciously uncoupling" from my spouse. It is not.

Do you remember the story of Peter and Wendy? Everyone always focuses on Pan and the Lost Boys. Or the ineptitude of Hook. Or the magic and spiteful jealousy of Tink. Very little thought is paid to Wendy. She's not exactly the "princess" type. Yet, to me, she is very much a modern day heroine: a good girl who, though rash actions and good intentions, gets lost, yet is brave enough to leave Pan and Neverland.

Wendy has been in my thoughts for a while now.
Wendy is good and kind and honest and loyal.
She is a helper.
A nurturer.
Innocent.
A gifted storyteller.

By a modern phrases, Wendy might also be seen (at first) as naive, imaginative, impulsive, co-dependent, and disrespected.

Wendy gets to go on this grand adventure. An adventure that she in part created.
To a land that is not real.
But it doesn't turn out the way she pictured it would.
Good things at first, and then more and more misadventures.
To the point where it becomes intolerable to remain in Neverland.
Wendy, and her brothers, thankfully go home.

I like Wendy very much, primarily because she grows up to a point in the story where she says, "Enough!" and without drama or conflict, removes herself from Neverland. She is a classic tale of quiet recovery. Do we notice? Do we see?

Over these past 22 months, my life has undergone a dramatic transformation as the direct result of putting down my addiction (the food) and the working through and daily practicing of my spiritual "tools." A lot of facing my biggest fears and, in the process, growing up and becoming a responsible, authentic person. A person who sets boundaries. Someone who wants to be firmly in reality and not fantasy or delusion or make-believe when it comes to myself, in particular. No longer do I want to hold on to "Neverland" beliefs like "Oh, you're not fat." (I weighed nearly 300 pounds) or "You don't have an eating problem." (I could not control my eating/binging for any length of time).

I am not a Lost Boy (or Girl). I have no need for Pixie Dust. You do not need to be one of the lost either. We can be like the heroine Wendy: strong and brave and good and determined to grow up.
Turns out, growing up is a very good thing.
xoxo,
~e
Erica Robinson